Proper Motivation for Looking Good

    At the end of last semester, Claire and I made a pact that we will come back next semester incredibly stylish, unmistakably skinny, and straight up classy.  I've completely reconstructed my wardrobe, getting rid of a lot and adding some new versatile pieces.  Wardrobe and appearance isn't everything, but looking good goes hand in hand with feeling good.  I've found that life is more difficult when you feel chubby, trashy, or unstylish - because you can't stop thinking about how uncomfortable or disappointed you are.

     There are two solutions to such an overwhelmingly negative attitude.  First, we need to fully understand that our devotion to the Lord is more important than anything else in the world, certainly including our possessions and our emotions.  Such an attitude allows us to have a better attitude and perspective.  When you feel attractive, your appearance and your possessions do not consume you as much.  That certainly stems from attitude.  However, there are also things that we can do to further such an attitude.  Secondly, we need to take care of ourselves and our possessions best we can.  We need to work out and take care of our bodies.  We need to equip ourselves with a simple wardrobe that allows us to live without worrying about our clothing so much.

     I don't want to worry about how I look.  I don't want to worry about how I feel about my clothing and my body.  Those are things that are temporal.  If I simplify my wardrobe to less clothing, but clothing that is simple, looks good, and makes me feel comfortable, then I won't be worrying so much about my appearance.  If I workout, I will be healthy and skinny, and I won't be so worried about my body.  However, even as I attempt to improve my circumstances in order to help direct my attitude away from temporal things, I need to pray for proper motivation and for contentment.  Appearance and weight are very touchy issues, because concerns about them can stem from selfishness and vanity.  I need to pray that I will have the proper motivation, and that I will be working toward a better closet and a better body in order to better serve the Lord with my actions and my attitude.  I truly think that simplifying my closet and improving my health by losing some weight will help me to do so.

Loving this Lovely Summer

      So, it's been a while.  I had this notion that when summer came, I would immediately get right back into the same routine I had before exams and all the chaos of the end of the year.  That was not the case at all.  It has been very difficult to find any routine, let alone the same one that I had during last semester.

      It has been a great summer so far, but it has not been as I had expected.  I didn't find a job.  I didn't write in my blog every day.  I haven't read my bible every day.  I haven't read for my classes every day.  I don't hang out with the people I expected to as much as I thought I would.  Some of those things I need to be working to change, others are exactly as God intended, and I can't worry about it.


     I am so thankful for exactly where God has me right now.  I'm spending time with my family and my friends.  I don't have to worry about a job, but I'm making some money on the side with babysitting and labor for my Dad.  I'm really motivated to work out, eat healthy, and lose some weight.  I'm developing great relationships with people that I've always known, but never had that deep friendship with.  I'm convicted about not spending as much time with the Lord, in the word and in prayer.  I'm working to balance all of the good things about being home with the challenges of being home.  It is a challenge spiritually to be in such a comfortable place, because sometimes I forget how much I need the Lord's hand and direction in my life every second.  I am praying that I will never forget that, and that the Lord will draw me closer and closer to Him whether I am in times of comfort or times of trial.

    The Lord is so good to me even though I don't deserve it.  I have amazing parents, the best friends, and all the time in the world to spend with them this summer.  My summer has been filled with kayaking, coffee dates, movie nights, How I Met Your Mother, baking, reading, working out, bonfires, swimming, shopping, and so many other blessings.  I have so much to be thankful for.  I'm loving my summer so far, and I can't wait for it to get even better.

    I'll be keeping my blog a lot more updated, now that I've taken the first step and posted something. :) God-willing, I'll have something interesting to say.

My Will Power versus God's Sovereign Will

     Today was the first day back to classes after spring break.  My first class of the day was cancelled and a paper scheduled to be due Wednesday was pushed back a week.  What a way to start up again! God is so gracious to me.  So this afternoon, I have some time to do a bunch of homework and do some things I enjoy as well. I did some homework, and now I'm reorganizing and cleaning up my room a little bit, blogging, and I might even watch the Office or New Girl.  We'll see.  That might not be the best use of the time God has given me.  Either way, I know without a doubt that more homework is on the agenda tonight.
     I had a great spring break!  Jenny and I went to Carlsbad/Oceanside and spent time with my family, and then she went back to Santa Clarita, and I stayed down with my family.  Even though my spring break was so much fun, I am very tired.  It was a pretty good balance of fun and relaxation, but it still wore me out a little bit.  However, God provides, and He graciously gave me the strength to get through the day with a good attitude and a listening heart.  I got up early this morning and did some reading and other homework.  Then, I went to chapel with my lovely roommate.  I missed her quite a bit!  It's good to be back.  I went to the rest of my classes, then came up to my room to get some work done.
     I am really thankful because God really has been working on my heart lately.  I can't even begin to explain all of the ways that I can see God strengthening me and molding me.  He is leading me to consciously make sure my attitude is right more and more every day.  Today, I was so blessed, because in a situation that would have ruined my whole week a couple months ago, I took responsibility with a kind, humble heart - not because of me, but because of God!!  I could not have responded the way that I did without God's intervention in my life.  It is so obvious to me that God has been changing my heart.  Additionally, I saw the work of God's hand in another very apparent way today!  I try to be responsible and conscious of my money.  As a college student, sometimes it feels like money is slipping away from me all the time.  It makes me really uneasy.  Today, God opened my eyes so that I would see someone legitimately in need, He gave me the desire to help them, and He gave me the opportunity to.  It wasn't anything huge at all.  It was just something simple.  But I am so thankful, because being able and willing to help a brother or sister in Christ is such a blessing.  I know that God is working on my heart, because I would have made excuses for neglecting to help or been blind to the need in the first place a couple months ago.
     Over spring break, a couple issues were running through my head.  These issues are somewhat negative for me spiritually, and dwelling upon them isn't really helping, and I was considering ways to remedy them.  I was thinking of creative ways to keep myself accountable and keep my mind occupied with other better things.  I went to tweet about will power, then I thought about will power for a second.  What a secular, godless concept!  Okay, maybe not completely, but if you don't understand God and His sovereignty, it is inevitably a godless concept.  If I truly believe that God is completely sovereign and I cannot do anything apart from Him, which I do, then "will power" really has no true power.  The only will power that I can have is the conscious decision to pray that God will give me the desire to pray, and the desire to pray for strength to overcome any of these issues that I am dealing with.  Will power won't get me anywhere without prayer.  I need to bring my issues before the Lord instead of trying to overcoming them by my own strength.  Will power is nothing; God's power is everything.  It's good to think of ways to motivate myself and creative ways to avoid certain issues.  However, the basis of my motivations needs to be my spiritual life and the basis of my actions needs to be prayer.


Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

This verse is cliche, but it's more than appropriate.  I can do all things only through Christ's strength.  I can do nothing by my own strength.

Child Like Faith

      Spring break is finally here!!  I wasn't able to fly all the way home for the week, so I came down to Carlsbad to visit my aunt and her family.  Spending time with my cousins is amazing, and I am so glad to be here.  My cousin Romy fell asleep in my arms tonight while we were all watching Rango.  The best feeling in the whole world is a sleeping child in your arms.  It is a wonderful example of love, of perfect contentment, and complete trust.  She was perfectly peaceful and completely at rest.  She innately trusted that I was going to make sure she was safe and comfortable without even thinking about it.  She wasn't worrying about anything; she was just sleeping peacefully.
     This reminds me of the child like faith that God wants us to have.  We should love Him so much that we trust Him with absolutely everything and are completely content surrendering everything to Him and falling asleep in His arms.  It should be something that we don't even think about.  When Romy was falling asleep, she wasn't worrying about whether I was going to take care of her or how I was going to care for her; she didn't even consciously trust that I would take care of her.  We need to have the same attitude toward God.  We shouldn't worry about how He's going to take care of us.  We should know Him so well and love Him so much that we don't even think about trusting Him, we just do because we know He will take care of us.  I want that so bad.  I want to be able to trust God without even thinking about it.  I want to be able to eradicate all worry from my mind.
     It is so difficult to have that type of attitude.  As we get older, we stop having child like faith in anything, especially in God.  We have to think through everything, reason through everything, and contemplate everything really deeply before we put our mind to something.  Trusting in God isn't something that I should put my mind to; it's something I should innately do more and more as I come to know God and His character more deeply.  This needs to be my prayer, and yours - that we can develop a child like faith again as we grow in our knowledge of and relationship with God.  As long as I am in this flesh, I will never be able to eradicate all worry, but I can make my trust in God more of a constant attitude rather than a contemplated choice.

All to the Glory of God

Before I start, I just want to mention something. I have an irrational problem where feel the need to do everything routinely and consistently.  When I fail to do so, I usually lose motivation and stop altogether.  For example, I cannot tell you how many diaries or journals I have that only have about three entries in them.  Every since I was little, if I would start a diary and fail to write in it consistently, I would either rip out the previous entries or stop trying to write in a diary.  There are two reasons that I haven't posted a blog in a few weeks.  The first is the same reason I ripped the pages out of my diaries when I was younger.  I avoided posting a blog because I hadn't in a while.  It's a very strange emotion actually.  It's not that I feel bad that I haven't posted.  It's more than I feel incomplete in a way, like the burden you feel when you don't do something that you intended to do.  Regardless, the second reason that I haven't posted in a while is because I have not been able to justify doing so because of the massive amount of homework that I've had.

     These past two weeks have been the most rigorous, challenging, and draining weeks in my academic career so far.  I have had so many important assignments, readings, quizzes, tests, and more.  It was really tough, but I'm finally starting to feel the burden being lifted off my shoulders.  In all honesty, I still have a lot to do.  The rest of this week is going to be tough, but I'm over the hump.  In my hurry to get a project done last night, a friend gave me a convicting reminder, "Do everything as unto the Lord."  This reminded me of I Corinthians 10:31, "So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."  Everything that I do should be done only for the glory of God.  That truth is taught all throughout Scripture.  At the moment, my mind is drawn particularly to Romans 12:1-2, "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."  Our bodies are a living sacrifice to God, holy and acceptable.  In order for that to be the case, I need to be seeking to worship God with all of my actions, thoughts, and desires.  That encompasses pretty much everything.  Even though I feel like I am buried alive in homework, I can and should use such an overwhelming time to bring glory to God.  

     There are lots of ways that I can bring glory to God through something simple like homework.  First, I should glorify Him by recognizing His ability and my inability.  I need to acknowledge that God is the only way that I can accomplish any of my work or understand any of my assignments and I need to pray for the strength and ability to do so.  I can glorify Him by putting forth effort to do well.  I need to engage myself and work hard to understand my classes and my assignments.  School is about learning, not just about completing.  I need to glorify Him with my attitude.  I should be so thankful that I have the opportunity to learn and understand the things that I'm being taught.  Let alone the fact that I am learning everything from a solid, biblical perspective!! Praise God!  If I am really thankful for that and taking joy in my work, that brings such glory to God.  I should also glorify God with my time.  This is something that I was really convicted about and have been working on throughout the semester.  Last semester, I was not a good steward of the Lord's time, but this semester I have been working to change that.  I started getting up every morning at 6:00 am to shower, read Scripture, do homework, and prepare for the day.  I try to plan out my day better so that I get things done more quickly and more efficiently.  I get to bed at a decent time, usually well before 11:00 pm.  I can count on one hand the number of times I have stayed up past 11:00.  What a blessing that type of lifestyle has been!  I get a lot more done, I have a lot more energy, and I have a better attitude throughout the day.  I'm so thankful that he gave me the desire to change this aspect of my daily life, and I'm thankful for the affect that it has had on me.  God is so good, and I am called to be more efficient and purposeful with my schoolwork, and I am called to have a better attitude about doing so.

Selfless Love.

Well, today is Valentine's day.  Valentine's day has the potential to be a really great holiday, but the way that our culture views this Hallmark holiday is very discouraging actually.  In the eyes of our culture, there are four understandable ways for normal, "rational" people to approach Valentine's day.  First, couples enjoy the day together, showering each other with tokens of affection.  Second, people desperately seek a valentine so that they will not have the misfortune of ending up alone on Valentine's day. Third, some singles mope about spending the holiday alone, feeling sorry for themselves and reminiscing about their last breakup.  Lastly, other singles are in denial.  Some people have an "anti-Valentine's day" attitude in order to feel empowered and avoid loneliness.  That's how our culture says people should spend Valentine's day.  What a joke!  That's not a description of people who are rational, and it's certainly not a good example of how people should spend this holiday!  Valentine's day is not about having someone to spend it with so that you can be happy.  Valentine's day is about love, and love is supposed to be selfless.

There is only one true example of perfect, selfless love that the world has ever known: the love of God.  God loved us so much He gave us a visible example of that perfect love through the person of Jesus Christ. Humans are corrupt because of our depravity.  We cannot completely escape from our selfishness even if we want to.  However, through the process of sanctification, where we become more Christlike through God's grace, we can start to love in a more selfless way and have a purer type of love to offer to others.  This Valentine's day, I'm reminded to be thankful for the selfless love of my Lord and the incapability of me to truly love others without His gracious intervention.  My prayer is that Valentine's day can be about praising the Lord for His love for us, loving and adoring Him, loving others by His grace, and finding ways to love God more through the people we love that He has placed in our lives.  When I look at the love of God, the love of man seems so much less meaningful.  There are many people on this earth that I love, but without God, not only would I not be blessed with their presence in my life, but I wouldn't even be capable of loving them.  This Valentine's day, and every Valentine's day, take the time to try to love God more.  Pray more selflessly.  Love others in a more Christlike way.  Thank God for His love, and for your capability to love.  I feel pretty convicted right now.  It's a feeling I'm coming to really appreciate more and more though, it makes me feel closer to my Lord.  Admitting my faults and weaknesses and seeking refuge in Him allows me to experience His grace and love in a way I never could otherwise.  Happy Valentine's day!!  Enjoy the Lord and His gracious love today!

"Prove me, Oh Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind.  For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness." Psalm 26:2-3

Truly, Truly Blessed.

This semester has been a lot more difficult than I anticipated. I'm far, far away from my parents and my brother.  I miss them dearly, and I get discouraged that I don't have them during this very trying time. I had an unpleasant trip to the emergency room last week, and was referred to a specialist.  I've had to make payments for the emergency room visits and my prescriptions, but I don't have a job.  I fell behind in homework after getting sick.  I'm constantly doing nothing but homework, and I am still behind.  My classes are extensive and difficult.  I don't have the same relationships that I had last semester.  The people who encouraged me and supported me last semester are not a part of my life in the same way this semester.  My bike was stolen last semester, so I have no transportation at all this semester.  It's been extremely rough, and not having my family there has been very difficult.  

However, the Lord is so gracious and provides comfort for his children.  While I was overwhelmed with confusion and self-pity, the Lord used someone dear to me to correct me.  I was so consumed by my fear and loneliness that I was unable to see the blessings that the Lord had showered upon me.  If I am focusing on my trials, I can't be focusing on the glory of my Lord and Savior, which is the only thing that my gaze should be focused on.  This semester, God has blessed me so abundantly.  First of all, I have a new roommate, Sarah, who is the sweetest person I have ever met.  She and I weren't even supposed to be roommates this semester, but God providentially worked it out, and I am so thankful for her and blessed by her.  We pray for each other, spend time together, encourage each other, and speak about meaningful things.  Through Sarah, I've made so many friends that I may never have met otherwise.  Even though I'm far away from my family, I don't feel lonely, because I am blessed with such a great example of a woman of God in my life. Second, although the sickness that I'm going through scares me, the Lord has comforted me.  Nothing that I own, not even my health or my body, belongs to me.  It is all a gift from God.  God is the reason that I wake up in the morning.  I had a very high view of the sovereignty of God before my illness, but now it is only heightened.  Coming from a Roman Catholic background, I struggle with prayer.  My illness has encouraged my prayer life so much, not because I am praying for my health, but because I am acknowledging God's sovereign power over my life through going before Him in prayer.  Third, God is using the fact that I am behind in my homework to teach me discipline.  I have been getting up at six every morning and going to bed before midnight every night, working on homework during most of the day.  Neither my sleeping pattern or my homework pattern was so structured and healthy.  I've been beginning the day with about a half hour of Bible reading every morning, something I didn't have time for last semester because I didn't manage my time.  If I was on top of my homework, I would be wasting so much time.  I know that because it's exactly what happened last semester.  Fourth, although my classes may be difficult, I love them.  I am learning so much, and from such a great Biblical perspective.  I am so thankful to be at this college, and I am so thankful for the learning I experience every single day.  It is a blessing to have difficult classes, because it forces me to learn!  What a blessing!  I don't want to coast through college.  Fifth, even though I don't have the same people as such a big part of my life, they're still there.  I still get the chance to see them and spend a little bit of time with them, just not in such a deep way.  God-willing, those relationships will be reestablished when we're ready, in God's timing, not according to my own.  Additionally, I've made new friendships and developed new relationships.  I've met so many people this semester, and I am really thankful for that, both through school and classes and through my church.  Santa Clarita Baptist is a huge blessing in my life.  I miss my home church, but I love the church that I have found here.  The people are such a blessing to me, and I am making the time to be a lot more involved than I was last semester.  Lastly, my wonderful parents bought me a new bike.  It's at Walmart, I just have to go pick it up.  I have nothing to complain about.  

My life has been so abundantly blessed by the Lord.  Not only did He call me to be a part of His family and save me from the condemnation of my own sin, but He has also given me so much that I do not deserve at all.  Now, all I can do is praise Him and thank Him for the trials that He has put in my life to help me realize how blessed I truly am.  My life is great, thanks to the grace of the Lord.  As a friend said this afternoon when I asked how he was doing, "Better than I deserve."  How true that is.